I don't have days like these often. I normally sleep very little and am very productive when I'm awake. Most of the time I work, whether it's a case or a beautiful girl doesn't really matter, both can easily catch and attract my attention. When I'm not working, I tend to train to keep my skills up. I'm not getting any younger and even though I never lose and would never admit it out loud, the fights are getting harder and harder. But my main love now is cooking; taking care of my garden with fruit, vegetables and aromatic herbs and then experimenting in the kitchen. Many people think it's strange that someone like me can take the time to care for and grow a garden, but I love it. It's one of the reasons I will always live in a house with a big yard and not a small apartment, well, that and I like having lots of space, lots of places I can wander around in the middle of the night when the rest of the world is asleep. But then every now and then a day like this comes along. I wish I had some indication that it was coming or could understand why I feel this way. But no matter how hard I try to understand it, I can't find an answer. Last night I slept, well, who knows how long. Today I don't want to get out of bed. I've buried my head in my pillow and plan to ignore the world outside my door all day. I worry about the team and what will happen if they find themselves in a situation where they need me while they're hibernating. Most days that thought alone is usually enough to force me to get up and move on, but not today. I love them, more than I will ever admit out loud. They have become my family and I would hate myself if anything happened to them, but I just can't move. Because it always has to be me... in the center of the paper... who disappoints them. I worked as much as I could and just tried to stay busy. I answered the phone when it rang, kept fit, and made sure to find some woman available to distract me whenever I wasn't busy working. I was able to smile, live and keep the bad days at bay. And then Nate arrived in all his crusader glory. I had forgotten what it meant to be part of a team, to have fun at work, to help the good guys and punish the bad guys. Slowly but surely this little team crept into my life and before I knew it I had people depending on me again. I want to protect them, they are my family and I will be there for them no matter what. But I still have my bad days. I don't know why and I don't see them coming, I can only hope that the phone doesn't ring because if it does ring, as much as I love them, I don't know if I'll be able to answer it.