Ah yes, marriage. What sweeter way to say you're willing to spend the rest of your life with someone, than to spend thousands of dollars on an ostentatious white ballgown, a venue fit for royalty, and a glittering diamond ring. In the past everyone seemed to dream and look forward to their fairytale wedding. Unfortunately, in today's society, things have changed. Marriage for most of us in college can sometimes seem like the least of our worries. We live in such a fast-paced society that sometimes we barely have time to think about what we'll have for dinner, let alone who we'll spend the rest of our lives with in the years to come. I have seen this transition firsthand in prioritizing the need to dedicate one's life to a specific person over putting oneself before anyone else, all through the lens of my Iranian-American culture. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get Original Essay Back in the day in Iran, marriage was considered a sign of achievement, success and of utmost importance to most parents in Iran who conceived a daughter. My mother was forced to marry for the first time when she was only 20 years old and because of this she was unable to continue her education. So, ever since I was a child, my mother always told me to focus on my education and not let society's expectations regarding personal relationships keep me away from school. Everything changed when I got accepted into college. You see, like most Iranian parents who come to America, school always comes first and my parents were no different. It wasn't until my sophomore year that I noticed my mother starting to express more interest in wanting me to find a potential husband. Every time I returned home to attend a mehmooni, he made sure that my hair and makeup were flawless and that I wore the trendiest and most presentable clothes money could find. After confronting her about the numerous times she would push me to go dancing with one of her friend's kids, she finally confessed, "I think it's time for you to open your eyes and look at the potential people you could see yourself marrying in the world of cinema." future." (Khosravi, 2018). I was shocked. My mother was always the type of mother who scared me and made me not want to talk to boys because they might “ruin my life”. So what has changed? Although much of my mother's traditional mindset had changed dramatically during her time in the United States, I found that most of her opinions about when was the right time for a young woman to marry still remained young girl was supposed to eventually have children and be “happily” married at the age of twenty-eight This word “happily” has always baffled me. Your personal happiness may differ completely from that someone else's.So how can my mother be so sure that marrying me between the ages of twenty-one and twenty-seven and eventually having children would make me happy?I wanted to better understand the mindset that she grew up with that set these standards and expectations of marriage into a young woman's life from a first-hand perspective and how it has diverged from her traditional path over the years. In the United States, marriage is a completely different ball game. People in America tend to marry not to fit society's stigma and their families' beliefs, but becauseindividually they want to share a stronger bond with someone they feel compassion for. Even with this freedom when it comes to love and relationships, there appears to be an increase in single Americans like never before, particularly among younger women. According to the 2016 U.S. Census, more women than men were found to be unmarried at age eighteen and older (U.S. Census, 2017). As the years go by, more and more women are becoming less likely to marry as young adults and even in general. This trend of revolt is occurring not only in America but currently also in Iran. Dr. Raz Zimmt, holder of a doctorate in Middle Eastern History from a renowned Iranian university, says that many young Iranians are more likely than ever to divorce and marry at an older age (Zimmt, 2016). Much of this has to do with Iranians adapting a more non-traditional view of marriage as a whole. What many people don't know about Iran is that it is an exclusively Islamic republic, meaning that most of what is broadcast on television and on the Internet is highly monitored and censored by the government. Censorship in Iran doesn't just stop there. It is strictly forbidden for women to go out in public with a man who is not married or related to them. Likewise, all women are expected to cover their hair, arms and legs with fabric, ensuring that the vast majority of their skin is not exposed. At this point you may be wondering how a girl living in such a society can even physically manage to date a boy she likes with all these restrictions in place. Luckily, I've had the opportunity to see this rigorous dating regimen firsthand. I visited one of Iran's largest capitals, Tehran, in the midst of the dry summer heat, not only to meet my immediate family, but also to immerse myself in the culture. During my stay, I was able to carefully observe all the ups and downs that many of my younger relatives went through growing up in such an Iranian society. One of them was my twenty-five-year-old cousin Sara, who knew more about modern Iranian marriage culture than anyone else in my family. Sara's thick hair, warm smile and accounting degree made her a suitable bachelorette for many of the potential suitors on the market. So why wasn't she married yet? Sara stated that “Unlike in America, here there are no dating apps to help you find the man of your dreams.” (Ahmadi, 2016). He had no intention of getting married anytime soon, despite his mother's constant "nagging." This traditional expectation that many Iranian families value their younger daughters has caused many female generations to resent marriage as a whole. With marriage in Iranian families at a young age, there are many factors that come into play. Money plays an important role and although it may seem unfair to judge whether or not you will spend the rest of your life with someone based on the income they get, it is a stable way to reassure many parents in Iranian society that their daughters will live or less “happy” and without stress beyond their income. Many parents in Iran take part in a traditional meeting known as "Khasteghari" which is Farsi for "The Suitor" and is essentially a way for the bride's parents to get to know the potential groom's parents. There are no limits to the discussions and questions that take place in these meetings as they are conceptually similar to a meeting for a permanent trade agreement. Both the daughter and the potential groom wear the”.
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